I'm the boy sitting on the floor as you walk down the hall.
I've always been this way.
I’m asking you: is there nothing more?
I'm asking you.
There's so much more to what you are!
Well, I'm not buying into it.
I don't believe in… so, anyway…
I've spent years like this,
I don't mean to spend another
for my sanity, for my well-being, for my health.
But if it's what I am and I don't believe, if I'm not buying,
then what's the point in pretending
I'm not myself and I'm not you, that I'm not lost?
I'm lost to myself, and it's lost on you,
and I'm not myself when I try to impress you.
I'm lost on myself and I'm finding again
that I'll lie to myself just to pretend
I hadn't spent years like this.
I don't mean to spend another
for my sanity, for my well-being, for my health.
But if it's what I am and I don't believe, if I'm not buying,
then what's the point in pretending
I'm not myself and I'm not you, that I'm not lost?
Lost in the halls long corridors,
shy away from any open doors.
Paranoia's perched over my shoulder,
is there any other way?
I’m asking you.
This is my floor, my own, my space alone, but isn't it so much better?
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Tale of Two Children's Games
And then we come to find,
it’s all a lifelong truth or dare.
I never spoke the truth, I never dared.
It’s too risky, and I’m just too scared.
Hide and seek’s more my game;
you have to seek to find me
when I’ll just be hiding away.
I feel safe when alone.
You’re on the big stage, and I’m sitting out.
You’re in the fast lane, and I’m powered down.
I’m just watching all the cars fly by.
Leave me behind.
I feel safe when alone.
I feel safe and alone.
Why aren’t I in my car?
I always loved to just drive,
it was another way for me to hide.
it’s all a lifelong truth or dare.
I never spoke the truth, I never dared.
It’s too risky, and I’m just too scared.
Hide and seek’s more my game;
you have to seek to find me
when I’ll just be hiding away.
I feel safe when alone.
You’re on the big stage, and I’m sitting out.
You’re in the fast lane, and I’m powered down.
I’m just watching all the cars fly by.
Leave me behind.
I feel safe when alone.
I feel safe and alone.
Why aren’t I in my car?
I always loved to just drive,
it was another way for me to hide.
Ole Green Eyes
See those green eyes staring my way in the night,
I push it a little faster.
See those big greens staring down on me,
I push it to make it.
Eye your curves, steady my hand
feel my way, groove myself in.
Pattern left to right throws to maintain the tone.
See those green eyes staring my way in the night,
I push it a little faster!
See those big greens staring down on me,
I push it to make it!
Set to the cadence of steady placid paces.
Reciprocal nature, ease left then right, I amiably oblige.
It’s sinuous.
See those green eyes staring my way,
I push it faster!
See those big greens staring me down!
I push it to make it!
I’ll find my way
without a map of you, I’ll find it.
I’ll find it.
I push it a little faster.
See those big greens staring down on me,
I push it to make it.
Eye your curves, steady my hand
feel my way, groove myself in.
Pattern left to right throws to maintain the tone.
See those green eyes staring my way in the night,
I push it a little faster!
See those big greens staring down on me,
I push it to make it!
Set to the cadence of steady placid paces.
Reciprocal nature, ease left then right, I amiably oblige.
It’s sinuous.
See those green eyes staring my way,
I push it faster!
See those big greens staring me down!
I push it to make it!
I’ll find my way
without a map of you, I’ll find it.
I’ll find it.
Bygones
By and by we bide our time.
By and by we abide these lines.
By and by we come to ask ourselves,
time and time again we ask ourselves:
why, oh why?
But it's never the same, it can never be the same.
The way it was is gone, but we go on, to carry on the memories
of the way it was (is gone, but we go on to carry on the memories
of the way it was is gone, but we go on to carry on the memories
of the way it was...)
If ever... if ever you ask me, "why?"
I'll tell you, "I don't know, I...
just don't know."
By and by we bide our time.
By and by we abide these lines.
By and by we come to ask ourselves,
time and time again we ask ourselves:
why, oh why?
But it’s never the same, it can never be the same.
By and by we abide these lines.
By and by we come to ask ourselves,
time and time again we ask ourselves:
why, oh why?
But it's never the same, it can never be the same.
The way it was is gone, but we go on, to carry on the memories
of the way it was (is gone, but we go on to carry on the memories
of the way it was is gone, but we go on to carry on the memories
of the way it was...)
If ever... if ever you ask me, "why?"
I'll tell you, "I don't know, I...
just don't know."
By and by we bide our time.
By and by we abide these lines.
By and by we come to ask ourselves,
time and time again we ask ourselves:
why, oh why?
But it’s never the same, it can never be the same.
Ten Cents to Dream
The sun shines as I stand over a fountain;
this scene shows nothing of what I feel.
A statue of a man somber in face,
and hopelessly worn from years of weathering;
he has my eyes.
That look on his face is so familiar!
Sunlight glints off my dime dropped in a fountain.
Maybe this time it's shining for me.
With this I wish… I wish… I wish… I am
wishing with this, I am
confused for a moment as people walk by;
is he the statue or am I?
I'm brought back when I move and scatter some birds.
It reminds me of the few dollars in loose change
found earlier today;
expendable income so unfamiliar.
Rippling distortion of a dime sinking to the bottom.
This time at a lucky frequency?
With this I wish… I wish… I wish… I am
spending ten cents a day on dreams I'll never reach.
Bending knee again to promises I can't keep.
Wishing with this, I am
spending ten cents a day on dreams I'll never reach.
Bending knee again to promises I can't keep.
this scene shows nothing of what I feel.
A statue of a man somber in face,
and hopelessly worn from years of weathering;
he has my eyes.
That look on his face is so familiar!
Sunlight glints off my dime dropped in a fountain.
Maybe this time it's shining for me.
With this I wish… I wish… I wish… I am
wishing with this, I am
confused for a moment as people walk by;
is he the statue or am I?
I'm brought back when I move and scatter some birds.
It reminds me of the few dollars in loose change
found earlier today;
expendable income so unfamiliar.
Rippling distortion of a dime sinking to the bottom.
This time at a lucky frequency?
With this I wish… I wish… I wish… I am
spending ten cents a day on dreams I'll never reach.
Bending knee again to promises I can't keep.
Wishing with this, I am
spending ten cents a day on dreams I'll never reach.
Bending knee again to promises I can't keep.
This Match
The table’s set and the lights are dimmed,
but there’s no dinner to be served.
Our plates are filled with only questions.
Unanswerable questions soon beget
unquestionable answers.
And now we choke down infallible truths.
A stale, excessive fragrance lingers
from the centerpiece of our table,
the candlewick burns the questions.
Unanswerable questions soon beget
unquestionable answers.
And now we choke down infallible truths.
Unspeakable answers to unaskable questions.
We know the answers to each other's questions,
yet we’d rather not light the match to melt the wax
as the wick burns down to reshape what we have.
Let’s just stay this way;
as before the flame!
As before the flame burned the questions.
Unanswerable questions soon beget
unquestionable answers.
And now we choke down infallible truths.
A plot once, now only smoke and ember.
I don’t want to remember,
but I’m prone to relapses, despair smolders in my synapses.
Wax melts. Wick burns.
Wax melts as the wick burns.
Wax melts as the wick burns down.
but there’s no dinner to be served.
Our plates are filled with only questions.
Unanswerable questions soon beget
unquestionable answers.
And now we choke down infallible truths.
A stale, excessive fragrance lingers
from the centerpiece of our table,
the candlewick burns the questions.
Unanswerable questions soon beget
unquestionable answers.
And now we choke down infallible truths.
Unspeakable answers to unaskable questions.
We know the answers to each other's questions,
yet we’d rather not light the match to melt the wax
as the wick burns down to reshape what we have.
Let’s just stay this way;
as before the flame!
As before the flame burned the questions.
Unanswerable questions soon beget
unquestionable answers.
And now we choke down infallible truths.
A plot once, now only smoke and ember.
I don’t want to remember,
but I’m prone to relapses, despair smolders in my synapses.
Wax melts. Wick burns.
Wax melts as the wick burns.
Wax melts as the wick burns down.
Out the Open End
One eye open, one eye blind.
What's the difference when you can't see past the lies
being fed to you in your castle
by your servants on silver spoons?
One hand open, other's slight.
What's the difference? We're all living lies,
in that we're all consumed by the stages,
supporting cast has been set all for you.
Open arms shut the doors on all the dreams once had us floored.
Are open hands more advantageous than something to strive for?
Or could we take a stand, push forward,
not dilute ourselves to half-hearted hopes?
Lock your sights; let them see the dream alive in both your eyes!
If it’s worth believing, then it deserves achieving,
and it’s worth fighting for!
Not standing down,
gonna find a way in this new day.
What's the difference when you can't see past the lies
being fed to you in your castle
by your servants on silver spoons?
One hand open, other's slight.
What's the difference? We're all living lies,
in that we're all consumed by the stages,
supporting cast has been set all for you.
Open arms shut the doors on all the dreams once had us floored.
Are open hands more advantageous than something to strive for?
Or could we take a stand, push forward,
not dilute ourselves to half-hearted hopes?
Lock your sights; let them see the dream alive in both your eyes!
If it’s worth believing, then it deserves achieving,
and it’s worth fighting for!
Not standing down,
gonna find a way in this new day.
Soliloquy
Thinking aloud
when no one's here to hear me.
My expression says it all,
but I speak up anyway
to get an idea.
Pacing back and forth
wearing a line in the floor.
It runs parallel in my mind,
this line of thought transudes.
Thinking aloud
when no one's here to hear me.
My expression says it all,
but I speak up anyway
to get an idea.
Rambling on like so,
spilling fragments on the floor,
they dissolve one into the next.
These random thoughts collude.
Always articulating to wrap my head around.
It's so much clearer to hear it for myself.
Articulating to wrap my head around,
to hear it for myself helps me wrap my head around.
... and know, I'm not crazy ...
just thinking aloud
when no one's here to hear me.
My expression says it all,
but I speak up anyway
to hear it for myself.
It's always easier in the auditory realm.
when no one's here to hear me.
My expression says it all,
but I speak up anyway
to get an idea.
Pacing back and forth
wearing a line in the floor.
It runs parallel in my mind,
this line of thought transudes.
Thinking aloud
when no one's here to hear me.
My expression says it all,
but I speak up anyway
to get an idea.
Rambling on like so,
spilling fragments on the floor,
they dissolve one into the next.
These random thoughts collude.
Always articulating to wrap my head around.
It's so much clearer to hear it for myself.
Articulating to wrap my head around,
to hear it for myself helps me wrap my head around.
... and know, I'm not crazy ...
just thinking aloud
when no one's here to hear me.
My expression says it all,
but I speak up anyway
to hear it for myself.
It's always easier in the auditory realm.
Coureur de Bois
Be still.
The remnants of a quiet voice cry out,
and beckon me to return to a place
set away from all of this bullshit.
Where I may find my happiness.
Feel free to run.
You’re free to be young.
To be lost in the moment beats the heart of a child.
You’re free to run.
Retrieve me. Obligations… Know you have to…
But still,
a quiet voice within speaks: every
thing that is good inside of me comes from
the northern woodlands of this mitten,
where my heart is calling me.
Feel free to run.
You’re free to be young.
To be lost in the moment beats the heart of a child.
My life's spent here on the cuff in denial.
I need to run!
The world itself is poised as a dagger’s point at me here on the wrist.
An analogous threat fitting this state of mind like a glove; I’ll wear it.
Be still, the remnants of a quiet voice: I cry out!
Feel free to run.
You’re free to be young.
To be lost in the moment beats the heart of a child.
My life's spent here on the cuff in denial.
You're free to run!
The remnants of a quiet voice cry out,
and beckon me to return to a place
set away from all of this bullshit.
Where I may find my happiness.
Feel free to run.
You’re free to be young.
To be lost in the moment beats the heart of a child.
You’re free to run.
Retrieve me. Obligations… Know you have to…
But still,
a quiet voice within speaks: every
thing that is good inside of me comes from
the northern woodlands of this mitten,
where my heart is calling me.
Feel free to run.
You’re free to be young.
To be lost in the moment beats the heart of a child.
My life's spent here on the cuff in denial.
I need to run!
The world itself is poised as a dagger’s point at me here on the wrist.
An analogous threat fitting this state of mind like a glove; I’ll wear it.
Be still, the remnants of a quiet voice: I cry out!
Feel free to run.
You’re free to be young.
To be lost in the moment beats the heart of a child.
My life's spent here on the cuff in denial.
You're free to run!
Portage
Yesterday’s never good enough,
and I'm not living up to my dreams:
my expectations falling through.
So, why weren’t these the best days I’ve ever known?
Run aground. Slowing down.
I've never lived a day in my life,
or so I'm waking up to realize,
just passing time I slip through.
So, why weren’t these the best days I’ve ever known?
Run aground. Slowing down.
Why weren’t these the best damn days I’ve ever known?
Well, it's not for lack of intentions!
My head is home to archives of meticulous plans
never set into motion.
I’ll keep them all on the shelf.
Traveling upriver I’ve run aground, left to walk.
What once kept me afloat now held over my head.
I’m weighed down.
Pace slowing down, down, down, down…
If I fall you’ll find that I won’t make a sound.
and I'm not living up to my dreams:
my expectations falling through.
So, why weren’t these the best days I’ve ever known?
Run aground. Slowing down.
I've never lived a day in my life,
or so I'm waking up to realize,
just passing time I slip through.
So, why weren’t these the best days I’ve ever known?
Run aground. Slowing down.
Why weren’t these the best damn days I’ve ever known?
Well, it's not for lack of intentions!
My head is home to archives of meticulous plans
never set into motion.
I’ll keep them all on the shelf.
Traveling upriver I’ve run aground, left to walk.
What once kept me afloat now held over my head.
I’m weighed down.
Pace slowing down, down, down, down…
If I fall you’ll find that I won’t make a sound.
Somber Blue Hues
Lost, distraught,
caught in between notes of a slow solemn song.
Curbed, unsure,
blurry brush strokes, a palette of somber blue hues.
Why can't I be so sure,
looking forward? I can't afford the toll
it takes on me.
Looking backward? I don't deserve all
that's been given to me.
Tell me, is it strange
the words calm and calamity share so much the same?
Is it me, or is it strange
the way calm and calamity are so much the same?
I know I’m strange,
but is it only me who feels this way?
caught in between notes of a slow solemn song.
Curbed, unsure,
blurry brush strokes, a palette of somber blue hues.
Why can't I be so sure,
looking forward? I can't afford the toll
it takes on me.
Looking backward? I don't deserve all
that's been given to me.
Tell me, is it strange
the words calm and calamity share so much the same?
Is it me, or is it strange
the way calm and calamity are so much the same?
I know I’m strange,
but is it only me who feels this way?
The Matter
Something's wrong here...
What's the matter?
Let's break this matter down into atoms.
Let's break down foundational building blocks.
Let's talk about splitting atoms.
Let's talk about the bombs you drop.
Let's talk atomic!
Let's talk it through...
Let's talk.
Let's break this matter down into atoms,
then break down those fundamental elements.
Let's talk about splitting atoms.
Let's talk of bombs and the fallout from.
Let's talk atomic!
Search in catatonic eyes to see what you're after.
Traverse the void to find what you're after.
So, is this what's the matter?
Take your nature on this matter,
let's see where it all begins.
Mistake your alpha and omega,
because it won't matter in the end!
What's the matter?
Let's break this matter down into atoms.
Let's break down foundational building blocks.
Let's talk about splitting atoms.
Let's talk about the bombs you drop.
Let's talk atomic!
Let's talk it through...
Let's talk.
Let's break this matter down into atoms,
then break down those fundamental elements.
Let's talk about splitting atoms.
Let's talk of bombs and the fallout from.
Let's talk atomic!
Search in catatonic eyes to see what you're after.
Traverse the void to find what you're after.
So, is this what's the matter?
Take your nature on this matter,
let's see where it all begins.
Mistake your alpha and omega,
because it won't matter in the end!
This Undertaking
Playing both sides against the middle to get on top.
You’re already knee deep, still with shovel in hand. Dig yourself out!
Playing both sides against the middle to get on top.
You’re already chest deep, still with shovel in hand. Dig yourself out!
Playing both sides against the middle to get on top.
You’re in over your head, still with shovel in hand! Dig yourself out!
Your fate was sealed in the way you played out your hand.
Playing both sides against the middle to get on top!
You’ve dug your way down, shovel in hand. There’s no getting out!
Playing both sides against the middle to get on top!
You’ve entombed yourself with shovel in hand. You couldn’t figure out
a double-bladed spade digs both ways,
and now you’re in over your head
at the bottom of this grave.
It wasn’t meant for you,
but you dug it for yourself, by yourself.
Now you’re by yourself at the bottom of this grave.
The fruits of your labor?
Maybe the trees that grow on your grave one day will bear
the fruits of your labor,
but you will never enjoy the sweet taste of them.
There's no one to hear your cries;
too far you’ve distanced yourself.
This undertaking was to be your making,
but you’ve made it to be your demise.
Playing both sides against the middle to get on top!
You’ve buried the dream with shovel in hand. You’re on bottom!
A double-bladed spade digging both ways;
this is no way to start something!
You’re already knee deep, still with shovel in hand. Dig yourself out!
Playing both sides against the middle to get on top.
You’re already chest deep, still with shovel in hand. Dig yourself out!
Playing both sides against the middle to get on top.
You’re in over your head, still with shovel in hand! Dig yourself out!
Your fate was sealed in the way you played out your hand.
Playing both sides against the middle to get on top!
You’ve dug your way down, shovel in hand. There’s no getting out!
Playing both sides against the middle to get on top!
You’ve entombed yourself with shovel in hand. You couldn’t figure out
a double-bladed spade digs both ways,
and now you’re in over your head
at the bottom of this grave.
It wasn’t meant for you,
but you dug it for yourself, by yourself.
Now you’re by yourself at the bottom of this grave.
The fruits of your labor?
Maybe the trees that grow on your grave one day will bear
the fruits of your labor,
but you will never enjoy the sweet taste of them.
There's no one to hear your cries;
too far you’ve distanced yourself.
This undertaking was to be your making,
but you’ve made it to be your demise.
Playing both sides against the middle to get on top!
You’ve buried the dream with shovel in hand. You’re on bottom!
A double-bladed spade digging both ways;
this is no way to start something!
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